You can take care of him," she insisted. This was madness. This was a true example of temporary insanity."I can't.""Why not?" She demanded."Umm...I don't...like..." I couldn't say diapers. I had my own baby! "I don't like... black... babies...

I sounded so bad ass, but I was really weak, tired, and pretty much shattered inside. If he gave me a hard time, I was going to jump across the table and try to kill him with my water bottle.

Why are you asking me now?" I asked. "Why didn't you ask me before?""You seemed a little...unstable," Mayson said. "Now you seem to be more like yourself...which is still...rather unstable.

In a cab back in Jersey, I finally answered one of thirty-three of Kyle's text messages (he called forty-seven times, I shit you not. Who does that!)

Wait! Did you sleep with any of my boyfriends?""No, I promise.""Okay, good," she said, relieved."I just made out with one.""You see?" Tabitha said. "She's a whore bag.""Cum bucket," Mayson nodded in agreement."You guys," Donya made a disgusted sound. "Can we save the name calling for later? I want to hear the hoe's story.

Forget the fact that he was the first person I had slept with in almost a year or that even though I was drunk I remembered it clearly (and it was effing fantastic!) Forget the fact that I had a hickey for the first time since high school on my neck under the scarf I was wearing, tied around my dumb neck.

I don't know which one is the real you," I said. "Are you more like Kyle the dick or Kyle the good guy?

You're worse than a douche bag. You're a douche puddle, the excrement of a douching.

I haven't slept with him, Mom." I whispered, lying through my teeth. I just didn't want to discuss my sex life with her. She would probably critique my oral skills or something."I should have known. You don't sleep with anybody. That's why you can't keep a man.

Well, the plenty of fish in the sea thing is bullshit," I said. "The other fish are weird, smell funny, or hooked on someone else's fishing line.